Step 3: Pouring Out

How does one listen for the still, small voice of G-d? This is the question of Step 3 and the one I asked the cards when trying to understand how to approach it. As a reminder, here is the text of Step 3 from Alcoholics Anonymous¹

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of G-d as we understood Him [sic].

To quote the Big Book, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.”² Turning one’s live and will over to a Higher Power is hard enough, but knowing what that Higher Power wants is even more difficult still. It was with this mindset that I approached today’s reading on Step 3.

One disclaimer first. This is my understanding of how I need to turn my life and will over. The interpretation found in these cards may not resonate with you. If this reading doesn’t fit, please remember to take what make sense and leave the rest.

The three cards I pulled from my RWS deck where:

• 9 of Pentacles
• The Emperor
• The Star (Reversed)

Let’s start with the 9 of Pentacles. This is a card about having achieved success, often financial. The figure depicted is hawking, a common medieval pass time of the wealthy. Their flowing gown, yellow and embroidered with flowers, further signals prosperity. But let’s focus on the hawk, a bird that symbolizes a sport requiring immense skill and partnership. If the handler hasn’t developed the necessary bond with the hawk, the bird won’t response reliably.

Here we have our first inlet into Step 3: skillfulness, as described in Buddhists practice and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Acting skillfully can be seen as listening for Divine direction and taking appropriate action. It means applying the tools of the program to remain sane and sober. Feeling anxious? Call your sponsor or another fellow. Struggling to feel connected? Take a bath or shower and reconnect to your body (if that is a safe practice for you).

Another potential interpretation is more literal: acting with skill, engaging with crafts or a hobby, or activities that induce a flow state. For me this is Tarot and photography.³ Flow states are safe, altered states of conciousness that can connect one with a Higher Power. Creative flow, in particular, may help us understand that Higher Power’s will for our lives.

We now come to one of the most challenging cards in the deck: The Emperor. For Step 3, I actually did two different readings asking slightly different questions and The Emperor appeared in both. Clearly, my Higher Power is inviting me to spend some time contemplating this archetype’s role in my life.

As a nonbinary trans-femme, any card with overt masculine energy makes me uncomfortable. The word “empire” also brings visions of conquest and domination. Charlie Claire Burgess, in Radical Tarot, mentions the harmful associations and reframes the Kings as “Stewards,” caretakers of others. I would like to extend this thinking to The Emperor: as head steward, a figure lovingly guiding and protecting their domain.

Another meaning for The Emperor is structure. Structure doesn’t have to be oppressive. For many, it provides grounding, direction, and purpose. Blending structure with compassion leads to a more inclusive and empowering vision for The Emperor, one that transcends outdated gender norms and stereotypes.

Now my discomfort with the card has been acknowledged and reframed, what does it have to do with Step 3?

Let’s revisit the idea of loving structure. One of the acronyms for G-d used by folks in recovery is Good Orderly Direction. This idea is an essential step of turning ones life and will over to a Higher Power. This might look like attending meetings, doing service, or becoming part of a religious or spiritual community. There are many ways to cultivate good orderly direction, and doing so is key to practicing to Step 3.

The Star (XVII) is such a deeply meaningful card in the arc of the Major Arcana. In the Fool’s Journey, as described by Rachel Pollack in 78 Degrees of Wisdom, The Star follows the total destruction of The Tower (XVI), representing rock-bottom. The Star is what comes next.

The image shows a nude figure kneeling, pouring out two vessels of water: one into a body of water and one onto land. Water traditionally symbolizes emotion and the earth represent the body. One most pour out one’s body and mind, onto land and water, to be ready for the next step of facing one’s beastly desires in The Moon (XVIII). This pouring out of ones self will will make space for what one’s Higher Power has in mind.

However, the card is reversed. What does that then?

Another recovery slogan comes to mind: “Turn your thinking upside down.” Whatever way we’ve been pouring ourselves out no longer works. In active addiction, we emptied ourselves—physically, mentally, emotionally—and it only led to destruction. Step 3 invites us to surrender differently: by creating space for our Higher Power.

For me, this is creating space in our lives for that still, small voice of G-d. I fill my life with activity that there is no room for stillness. Only when the music is off, when the journal has been put away, and the phone is face down do we get to listen.

Please comes back for the next post. I’ll be spending time journalling and praying about what questions to ask the cards for Step 4.